Why won't my girlfriend settle/commit with me?
I am 24 and my girlfriend is 21. She is Spanish and I am English I have moved from the UK to Spain to be near to her. We have been dating for 3 years. I have been in Spain for a year now and cannot get her to fully commit to me. I share a flat with 2 French girls and another English guy. I live in the city next to her city which is 30 mins away from her on the train. I recently moved here from her city to try and better learn Spanish. She would find it easier to get a job in my city as she works as a nurse on short contracts as there are more clinics and hospitals here. She does not want to look for a job here she wants to go abroad and work there leaving me behind in Spain (I asked her what she wanted and she said it would be good if i came but she would go anyway without me). She only wants to travel abroad with her friends to work. I asked her to wait 10 months to go abroad as my contract on my flat runs out then and my Spanish will have improved more. She wants to go at the soonest opportunity though. I offered her to come and stay rent free in my flat when her latest work contract finishes and she could get a job working here. Then we could go abroad together after 10 months she could choose where. My mum is also a nurse and said she could get her a job in my city in the UK but my girlfriend does not want to take it. I feel confused as I have moved countries to be with her. She shows signs of commitment, talks about marriage in the future, has mentioned moving in with me when I have more friends here, recently started taking the pill as she wanted unprotected sex. What I really want is to live alone with her in a single bedroom flat at the moment. She does not want this as she wants to be with friends and have space. She thinks she is too young this now for commitment and wants to date till we are in our late 20s early 30s before getting married. I really love her but her not commiting and not leaving the safety nest of her parents house makes things very difficult for the relationship. It makes things difficult to have sex, I often now will have to book hotels for us to have sex in private where I know we will not be disturbed. She lived with me for a week and thought it was great when her parents went on holiday. How can I persuade her to commit as she is sitting on the fence a lot? I agree I would like to wait later for marriage but I would prefer commitment now.
Singles & Dating - 9 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
You can't make her commit if she doesn't want to. You may just have to face that facts that she's trying to end this relationship that's least painful for her. Just sit down and talk it out to see if she's ready to part ways with you.
2 :
be a man and marry her already
3 :
you are both young, enjoy your relationship as is. maybe she still has priorities to not commit herself seriously as you want it. but being her girlfriend already is a commitment to you, for the serious part maybe she is not into it cause she still wants to explore and have adventures in life. do your stuff while shes doing hers.
4 :
I'ts really depend on the girl, I think shes not ready for commitment yet, It seems like she want to get away from you. If you really love her, proposed for marriage and see what her reaction is, If she really love you, you will feel it the way she treated you for your 3 years in relationship.
5 :
21 is still too young for her to make commitments with you as she had proposed already to wait until the late of 20's~30s before getting married. and i highly think that she is not yet completely satisfied of being a single on the meantime and still has to be with the companies of friends. you cannot force her to do what she doesn't like to do yet. and if you really love her, you can wait until the time comes for her to decide for a complete commitments with you. why so in a hurry? aside from that, i guess she doesn't want to commit with you as maybe she might fall in love with other guys in the long run, who knows. and perhaps she is not ready to tell her parents yet about you.
6 :
Look all i have to say is don't force or bug you an bout marrying you because all you'll do is drive her away and i know you love her to much to do that. so just be patient and wait one day she will say yes. trust me if you love her, then its worth the wait.
7 :
Just as te_te73 said, you cannot make this girl commit to you. What you really need to do is to find out why she doesn't want to commit. It could be: She believes she is still young and wants to have fun. She wants to "keep her options open". She's afraid of being trapped in a relationship she doesn't want to be in. She may be afraid things (your love for her) will change. She may believe that you might change. or, she may not love you the way you think she does. Or, it could be something else. You really need to find out what her reason is for "having cold feet" and denying you her total love. You may have to change something or enhance your "intimacy skills" in some way (latinas are very "passionate" and have a lot of "energy"). So, find a way to get her to open up and talk to you. You will have to change your approach since your normal approach isn't working, but just be cool and collected, not too demanding or submissive, and chat her up to see what's really going on. Maybe you can try a promise of devotion relationship agreement? It might show her that you're sincere.
8 :
Hey a girl needs to be active, ready to go and be able to explore you know. She wants to leave to wxplore and be active all around the Earth. And you cannot possibly restrain her from her right to breathe. I mean I know that you have been dating for 3 years but there is never ever a reason to take someone's ability to move and restrain it to you. I mean she is still very young curious and active. It is very selfish of you to try tpo restrict her to only one thing -YOU. Do as she says. if you still can't hack it I am sorry for you butapproach her directly and talk about it (no shouting). If you approach someone they will usually be wordless and unprepared to answer your question because it was a realisation to them. Hope your relationship goes well. And it will if you loosen yourself up and also be active and less selfish. Hoped I helped!
9 :
Move home, and move on. Are you telling me that there are no women in England? You had to move to another country to find a girl? Kick her to the curb and get going back home.
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