Monday, September 14, 2009

Why won't my girlfriend commit

Why won't my girlfriend commit?
I am 24 and my girlfriend is 21. We have been together for 3 years. She is Spanish and I am English. I moved to Spain a year ago. I do not speak spanish, she speaks fluent english. We do not live together and have never lived together. It has come to the stage now in the relationship where I really feel I need commitment from her i.e. her moving in with me, and both of us helping each other in life more. I have not forced this at all with her. I am starting to get fed up with her not commuting and due to this I am very slowly loosing interest in her. I no longer ask her to come and see me as I know she will say no unless the time suits her perfectly or only if I offer something (concert, a trip etc). She comes and goes when she wants. She does not inconvenience herself even slightly to be with me permanently, nor does she put any amount of effort in to persuade me to be with her. She went abroad for 3 months on an international university exchange program and refused to go to any effort to create a split rent agreement for me to stay with her. I feel she doesn't want to commit to me and wants to hang on to her parent’s nest egg, her extremely close group of friends in her city (not try and make new friends) and she says she will only travel to work abroad with her friends. I live in the larger city very close to hers (20mins) - Originally I lived in her city and I was forced to moved as my landlord sold his house. Recently her contract for work finished and I suggested she could come and spend some days looking for a job in my city. She could have been living with me during this time with a 20 minute commute close to her work. I pointed her to some job offers on the internet for nursing and my flat mate found a temporary job she could have had in the mean time. She never contacted anything i sent her coming up with excuses ‘they don’t pay well’ (sometimes even when no salaries listed on website), ‘too many people will go for that job’ and I said ‘you don’t know if you don’t try, if the money is not ok you can say no’. Instead she stayed at home all day watching tv series on her own. I work from home on my business and am alone all day while it isn’t her responsibility to be there for me it seems strange her staying at her home alone and not being with me when she is doing nothing. She could even watch tv here! Her mum found her a job in another city which is 45 mins away from me. I knew immediately that she would choose not to commute and cause any hassle for herself in order to be with me. I tried to stay positive when i was asking her about what she was going to do (i already really knew the answer – stay at home or not be with me somehow), then she started telling me about how she is going to rent somewhere in the other city. Of course this will end up costing her more than commuting if she was staying with me. I have no idea what to do, I love her but if this goes on much longer I don’t know how much I can take. She goes to no effort at all and will only do something if its easy for her. I often feel she treats me like a toy and can't act like an adult. Any advice appreciated thanks.
Singles & Dating - 15 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
cuz she thinks ur cheatin
2 :
maybe you should talk to her about it.
3 :
Tell her everything you told us here. She has to know that you feel this way, and girls love honesty. Good Luck.
4 :
She sounds very immature and selfish. This is hard but I would either ask her to go into couples counseling with you or end the relationship. It's a 2 way street and it sounds like she just doesn't care enough to make any effort.
5 :
oh my gosh. seriously talk to her about this. if she dosent understand she really must be selfish. If she makes you unhappy for too long get rid of her-as painful as that may sound you might be better off http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AtxrwV9A4u1AgMArzhutFL_sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20081016171631AAkEqpV
6 :
break up. its as simple as that.
7 :
dump the b to the i to the tch yo!
8 :
break up with her, its obvious that she only wants to use you as some "tool" so she has something to do when she's got nothing else to do
9 :
You are loving someone who cannot love you back as you need. Forget what she says if she says she loves you. She doesn't. When you love someone, you want to share your life with them. You deserve better treatment and lots of love. You won't find it with her as she's already shown you by her actions what she thinks of you. It's hard, but you must forget her and move on. Consider it a lesson learned, and don't beat yourself up over it. We all want to be loved and are sometimes blinded by that fact. Bless you, and good luck.
10 :
because shes not ready for a commited relationship, she with you until something better comes along sort to speak. Imaybe you should end the relationship, dont waste your time on her any longer and find someone who is ready to start a relationship.
11 :
this was kinda long(i kinda skimmed) but dude no relationship will work without communication..tell her wats upp?? whyy are u not commiting to me?? is thier somehting going on?? are u lossing intrest in me?? if this isnt going to work out i dont want to waster your time and mine...we need to figure out something bceause the situation and me cant go on much longer COMMUNICATION IS KEY MAKE THE BIGGEST EFFORT TO TALK TO HER IN A CALM NICE WAYYY!!!!! GOOD LUCK=]]]]
12 :
you made some serious sacrifices and she has made none .She is taking you for granted .I would say ,give her an ultimatum ,and if she can't decide ,give her up.You'll torture yourself otherwise.
13 :
It sounds to me like she has lost interest in you. When you're in a relationship you're supposed to help and support each other and it doesn't seem like she wants you to do that for her. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me at all. She should be wanting to experience her life with you. If it was me, I would take my boyfriend with me rather than my friends. She's not making an effort for you to be in her life. Just tell her how you feel. That you want to be in her life more. But she doesn't have to move in with you. She should at least want to spend a lot of time with you, though. If she doesn't come around and be more appreciative of you, I'd break up with her. It sounds like you are trying to make this work and she's not. Which is not fair to you at all. I hope my advice has helped!
14 :
She's just trying to live a little while she's young. Maybe you should do the same. Go on some trips on your own. See some new things and meet some people. And not to be rude, but how much of an inconvenience will you withstand for her? You've been in her country for a year, but you haven't learned her language? And she has a job that requires her to come in, but you can work from your home, wherever that may be. Why can't you move to her new city and work from there? Maybe you need to put your relationship on hold temporarily. It seems like she really needs to sort things out for herself, and I'd bet you do too in a way.
15 :
You know what? Leave her. Go get a new girl who respects you more and wants to be with you more. But watch, when you tell her you're done, she'll come back to you telling you she misses you and wants you back. It's your choice to go back or not. Who knows, the right girl might be waiting for you while your current girlfriend is just pulling you back?


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